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Monthly Archives: March 2009

Steve Harvey, Standards and Dating

23 Mar

I have been a fan of Steve Harvey’s for years.

I loved the original Kings of Comedy, and faithfully watched the Steve Harvey Show for years.

Nowadays I listen to his radio program every morning on my way to work, and his book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” is definitely on my list of must-reads.

Recently Mr. Harvey was on Oprah promoting the book.

One of the things he talked about really struck me as a single woman.

Steve believes women have set the dating bar way too low.

I agree.

We have no standards anymore.

Harvey tells Oprah, “Women talk about [how] chivalry’s dead. Chivalry’s not dead– it’s just not required anymore”.

Again, he’s right.

Dating is tricky- it’s exhausting, and really isn’t that much fun- not for me, at least.

I hate those first few initial dates… everything is all formal and uncomfortable…

… Nervewracking.

Inevitably, just as I’m starting to feel ok around Mr. Wonderful, as I’m getting to know him better, I begin to realize…

He really isn’t all that wonderful.

Great.

Back to the drawing board.

It gets exhausting, and at times it’s hard to keep my chin up.

I find myself wondering if the problem is me… am I asking too much?

Steve Harvey believes that women need to have strict standards… and that we need to stick to them.

Personally speaking, I have 3 iron-clad requirements:

  1. He must have his own transportation
  2. He must have a job- and currently be supporting himself
  3. He must have his own place

I think my 3 criteria are pretty basic…

… But you’d be amazed.

Seems that looking for someone who has a car, a job and his own place puts me into the “picky” category.

I don’t want to date a man who lives with his parents- this inevitably means we have to spend all our time, when not out, at my house. Some days I don’t feel like cleaning. Sometimes I don’t feel like being the host. It’s nice to have options every once in a while.

I don’t want to date a man who does not have his own method of transportation. I am not willing to do all the driving anytime we go out or just want to see each other.

I don’t want to date a man who cannot support himself.

I am a single mother- I have to take care of myself and my 2 daughters.

I simply do not have the means or the energy- let alone the inclination- to take care of a grown ass man.

I have too many responsibilities of my own.

None of my requirements seem unreasonable to me… afterall, I am not asking anything of anyone that I, myself, do not have.

I have my own place.

I have my own car.

I have a job, and I support myself.

Yet, when I try and explain to people that these three requirements are non-negotiable with me, I am called a gold-digger.

Seriously.

After a while, I find myself making excuses…

“Well, we are in a recession… times are tough… it’s not so bad that he lives with his parents…”

“The job market sucks… unemployment is really high… it’s not so bad that he doesn’t have a job…”

The problem is that while lowering my standards I am  increasing my odds of actually landing a date- I am also drastically decreasing my chances of finding someone I can respect… someone whose company I can truly enjoy… someone I feel is worth getting to know.

So many of us need to remind ourselves that a relationship is not the end-all-be-all in this world.

It’s not necessary to our survival.

Let’s stop lowering our standards… let’s stop being afraid of being alone…

… And let’s show the men out there that we are women worth working hard for.

Thanks to Steve Harvey for reminding me that if chivalry’s dead, it’s only because I have killed it.

 
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Posted by on March 23, 2009 in Change, Dating, Life, Relationships, Sex, Single Mom

 

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Bonuses, Bailouts and Buttheads

20 Mar

Like many of us, I was pretty upset to learn about AIG’s decision to pay out more than $165 million in executive bonuses.

Much of the funds are retention bonuses for employees that are no longer with the company. All of it is going to reward AIG’s top decision-makers for decisions that were…

Well…

… Shitty.

The recipients of this money are the same people who ran the company into the ground to begin with, resulting in four federal bailouts to-date.

AIG claims they had no choice, that they were obligated by contract to distribute the bonuses.

The federal government has considered forcing AIG to stop the pay-outs, voiding the employer/employee contracts but wisely decided against such a move. I’m as ill as the next person over AIG’s nonsense, but I don’t like the idea of my government involving itself- potentially nullifying- legal contracts.

I wouldn’t mind the fallout in the case of AIG, but I cringe at the precedent such a move would set.

The Senate is currently mulling legislation that would allow the government to recoup the bonuses, but Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid’s effort to pass the legislation by unanimous consent was blocked by Representative Jon Kyl, from Arizona.

I think blocking the legislation is the right move.

AIG has made some terrible business decisions… and has definitely shown that they haven’t learned their lesson, as evidenced by the greedy, nonsensical method in which they have spent their billions in bailout funding.

However, horrible business decisions do not equate to illegal activity.

Currently, as far as I know, it is still legal in this country to be both stupid and greedy.

Simultaneously, no less.

Next we learn that the House, no doubt knowing Congress doesn’t have a leg to stand on with regards to pulling AIG’s bonuses, yesterday passed a bill that would instead tax the bejesus out of the funds.

The bill stipulates that any employee who works for a company that has received more than $5 billion in federal bailout funds and makes more than $250,000 a year will be heavily taxed on their bonuses- and by heavily, I mean 90%.

Huh.

Now that’s what I call a bonus tax!

If this crap didn’t so drastically effect my loved ones- their day to day lives, and their hopes for financial security during their later years- it would be downright humorous.

Unfortunately, because the stakes are so high, and so many little people are paying the price for these shenanigans, the situation falls less in the “ha ha funny” category and more in the maddening “OMG how can people fuck up this damn badly?!?!” category instead.

Many of us were against the idea of a federal bailout to begin with.

Some of us were against it because of our belief in a free-market economy… a notion that is decidedly in jeopardy once the government gets to intervene any time it chooses.

Most of us simply don’t trust Uncle Sam- not to the extent of handling our investments, anyway. We knew, instinctively that if the government started runnin’ this particular show, mass chaos and huge amounts of dumb-assery were sure to follow.

True to form, the government has managed to make a huge clusterfuck out of an already distasteful situation.

Does anyone else remember, for example, back when the bailout was orignally being mulled by congress, that Senator Dodd (Chair of the Treasury Committee) was busy messing with the law to make sure that once the bill passed, the bonuses would be legal?

Seems to me, had he not done that, perhaps we could have already had a bill in place- one that is part of the original bailout legislation- that would have stopped AIG (and others) from even considering such wasteful spending as bonuses for irresponsible executives who have made deplorable financial decisions… and special spa retreats… and million dollar office renovations.

So, am I pissed off that it has come to this?

You bet.

Do I think AIG is comprised of a bunch of greedy bastards?

Yep.

More importantly though, I am even more pissed off at our own government and its hasty, poorly thought-out involvement in this mess.

Hindsight is 20/20, but had our congressional representatives heeded the wishes of their constituents- the little people like you and me- and not jumped headfirst into this stinky hole to begin with, perhaps we wouldn’t be dealing with this bullshit today.

The vast majority of us were against the bailout to begin with. We knew Congress was going to figure out a way to make a jacked up situation even worse.

Will they ever listen?

Not if the currently pending legislation is any indication of lessons learned (or not learned, in this case).

Oh well.

I don’t know about you, but at this point, I’m just going to sit back, grab some popcorn and watch the show.

I hear there’s gonna be fireworks towards the end.

 
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Posted by on March 20, 2009 in Barack Obama, Current Events, Economy, Life, News, Policy, Politics, President, Wall Street

 

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Duke Is Puke

19 Mar

I hear Duke’s Coach K doesn’t appreciate that Obama has been making NCAA Final Four picks.

He claims he thinks the Prez should be concentrating on the economy.

I have to wonder if he’d feel the same way if Duke had made its way into Obama’s bracket.

Anyway- I tend to agree with Obama on most issues- and his Final Four picks are no different.

My father, the UNC grad, taught me the following- I live by it:

Duke is puke

Wake is fake

The team I hate is NC State

GO TARHEELS!!!

 
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Posted by on March 19, 2009 in Barack Obama, Basketball, Current Events, Economy, Funny, Humor, Life, NCAA, News, Politics, President, Sports

 

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New Mexico Governor Repeals Capital Punishment

19 Mar

Today I was happy to read that Governor Bill Richardson has signed a bill aboloshing the death penalty in New Mexico.

I realize that this was a very tough decision for him to make… Richardson does believe that the death penalty- in rare cases- is just punishment for especially heinous crimes.

His statement reads, in part:

Regardless of my personal opinion about the death penalty, I do not have the confidence in the criminal justice system as it currently operates to be the final arbiter when it comes to who lives and who dies for their crime.

The governor’s signing of the bill, as one would expect, was met with some criticism.

The New Mexico Sheriffs’ and Police Association (among others), opposes the bill.

They have issued a statement claiming that the state’s law enforcement officers are now in more danger as a result of the repeal.

The Association would have a point if there was any data whatsoever to show that the death penalty actually serves as a deterrent to crime.

In fact, statistics show states that do not have the death penalty actually have lower murder rates than states that do. In 2007, non-death penalty states had murder rates that were 42% lower than states that carry out the punishment.

42%.

That ain’t a small number…  and certainly not an insignificant one.

People who commit horrific crimes are typically not thinking about the potential consequences of their actions.

Generally speaking, would-be criminals do not walk around saying to themselves…

Gee, I’d really like to rape and murder that kid over there… and I sure would do it too… if it weren’t for that stupid lethal injection I’d probably get.

It just doesn’t happen that way… and available data pretty much proves it.

The death penalty is not a punishment that serves the interest of justice.

On the contrary, it serves the interest of revenge. 

It’s not difficult to understand why families of victims would prefer blood… death… an eye for an eye…

Who wouldn’t?

Human emotion, however, especially in such highly-charged circumstances, does not equate to justice served.

Our justice system- or court system, as I like to call it (in my opinion, it is sickeningly short on justice)- is imperfect, just like the humans who run it.

As long as there is a chance that even one single person could be killed for a crime he or she did not commit… as long as there is classism and racism running rampant in our society…

The only responsible action, in the interest of justice- true justice- is to repeal the death penalty.

New Mexico, while just one state, has done a great thing.

Let’s hope other states follow suit.

 
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Posted by on March 19, 2009 in Bill Richardson, Capital Punishment, Change, Current Events, Death Penalty, Hope, Life, News, Policy, Politics, Race, Religion, True Crime

 

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AIDS, Andino, and The Diva

18 Mar

There’s been a lot of talk lately about the AIDS epidemic- both in the U.S. and abroad.

I’ve blogged about it myself on more than one occassion.

It’s been my stance, since day one, that one of the keys to curbing what is fast becoming a plague is education.

The abstinence-only approach isn’t just unrealistic- it is dangerous.

It simply isn’t enough.

Some people may take well to a lesson on abstinence, but many others will ignore it entirely.

Too often, parents use abstinence as a cop-out. It’s an excuse not to have to talk about things we do not feel comfortable discussing.

As parents, we need to get over it.

We must educate our children. We must remove the stigma that is currently attached to having open, candid conversations with them.

AIDS will kill our babies if we don’t.

My oldest daughter, The Diva (she’s 10), was trying to make some money by doing extra chores the other day.

She decided to clean out The Hippie Andino’s car- he’s my 25 year-old baby brother.

I thought this was a wonderful idea.

When she was done with the job, she came back inside, and I immediately noticed the look of horror on her face. She was holding something in her hand, though I couldn’t tell what it was.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

She answers, in an accusing tone, ”Look what I found in The Hippie Andino’s trunk…”, and shoves the contents of her hand in my face.

When I saw what she was holding, I could immediately feel the heat in my cheeks. Though I really had no reason to be, I found myself embarrassed for her.

She was holding a tattered box of condoms.

Oops.

I was confused by her tone… why is she being accusatory? Why is she acting as my brother is doing something wrong by having safe sex?

I decided to take this opportunity to speak candidly with my child- and hopefully turn this into a teaching moment.

So I asked her, “Why would you be upset?”

She responded, “Because- they’re condoms. Gross.”

I said to her, “He is being responsible. He’s having safe sex. He isn’t getting anyone pregnant, and he is protecting himself and his partner from sexually transmitted diseases.”

I explained that while condoms may seem “gross” to her right now, they are important.

They save lives.

The Diva’s world opened up just a little at that moment.

She didn’t view those condoms in disgust or contempt any longer, and with great relief I realized, she gets it.

It isn’t necessary to constantly harp on our children, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week about the horrors of sex and AIDS.

This particular exchange took less than five minutes, from start to finish.

We can educate our babies a step at a time- provided we start the process early enough. By the time they find themselves old enough to be faced with these grave decisions, they will have already had all the information they need to make the right choices.

Hopefully, by then, it will be second nature.

With absolutely no bombarding whatsoever- by taking advantage of the little teaching moments life throws our way- we can raise our kids to be responsible adults…

… One educational opportunity at a time.

 
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Posted by on March 18, 2009 in Change, Current Events, Dating, Hope, Life, News, Policy, Politics, Relationships, Religion, Science, Sex, Single Mom

 

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The Pope, AIDS and Abstinence

17 Mar

The Pope has spoken.

Unfortunately, I spend more time wishing the man would shut up than anything else… but…

Still.

Most recently, Pope Benedict XVI has decided to weigh in on the AIDS epidemic in Africa.

What a hoot.

It seems the Vatican considers itself in the forefront of the battle against HIV/AIDS and as such, the Pope felt the need to express his opinion on the issue.

The epidemic, he claims, can’t be “resolved with the distribution of condoms”…

… And he believes condoms actually increase the problem.

While I tend to agree that condoms will not resolve the AIDS epidemic- at least not by themselves- I cannot imagine, for the life of me how their use actually makes things worse.

The Pope, as you might have guessed, has a solution… an idea that, like so many of his other thoughts, is at best narrow and unrealistic.

At worst, it’s dangerous.

What is it, you ask?

Why it’s the catch-all, of course… the ol’ standby!

He wants to fix this problem the same way he wants to fix all problems even remotely related to sex- be it teen pregnancy, out of wedlock pregnancy, abortion- and now AIDS.

The answer is abstinence, of course.

It’s the only way.

Tell those damn African heathens to stop fornicatin’ and…

…POOF!

No more epidemic.

Damn.

I’m certain the entire world… all the scientists, medical professionals, world powers, human rights organizations… everyone who has been working diligently to try and curb this epidemic…

… All wish they had thought of that.

 
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Posted by on March 17, 2009 in Conservative, Current Events, Life, News, Policy, Politics, Race, Relationships, Religion, Science

 

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Stimulus, Schools and Sanford

14 Mar

A few weeks ago (on February 24, 2009), Obama addressed the nation in front of a joint session of Congress.

It was a moving speech, focusing primarily on the economy, and the challenges faced by America today.

There were a couple of attendees at the event that are not politicians, but rather, people whose personal stories touched the President and First Lady personally.

One was a banker by the name of Leonard Abess Jr.

Located in Miami, Mr. Abess was recognized for his generosity- he received a $60 million bonus from the proceeds of the sale of his bank’s shares- and rather than keep it for himself, he split it up among his 399 current employees- and more than 70 previous ones.

Another guest of the Obamas was Ty’Sheoma Bethea, an 8th grader from South Carolina.

Once President Obama told her story, we all fell in love with her.

Ty’Sheoma is from a tiny town in South Carolina. Her school is dilapidated- in fact it isn’t even up to code. Classes are interrupted several times a day to allow for the noisy trains that roll through the area.

Desperate for a decent school- a building that isn’t falling apart around her- a place where learning can be uninterrupted, Ty’Sheoma wrote to Barack Obama.

She requested some of the stimulus money for her school.

Her letter read, in part, “We are just students trying to become lawyers, doctors, congressmen like yourself and one day president, so we can make a change to not just the state of South Carolina but also the world. We are not quitters.”

Our President was so moved by her words that he invited Ms. Bethea to attend his speech, sitting with his wife in a place of honor.

We all had warm fuzzies at the close of the speech, knowing there were hundreds of millions of dollars in that stimulus package- set aside just for South Carolina- money that the state’s governor could use for education.

Ty’Sheoma, her fellow students and their teachers can now attend a school that stands on its own and isn’t interrupted by the constant din of passing trains.

Right?

Ha.

Not so much.

Now comes news that South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford will not accept the more than $700 million in stimulus funding that is available for his state.

Money that will patch holes in the roofs of public school buildings… money that will go to purchase school books and teaching supplies- replacing outdated and inaccurate materials… money that will save teachers’ jobs… money that will pay the salaries for qualified educators to join the ranks of the South Carolina Public School System.

Is Governor Sanford really so arrogant as to think we aren’t watching him? Does he believe that we have forgotten Ty’Sheoma Bethea? Does he assume we don’t care about her, her fellow classmates, her teachers and their administrators?

If so, he is sadly mistaken.

Sanford only wants to accept the stimulus money if he gets to choose how to spend it- and has stated if that were the case, he would focus on paying down South Carolina’s other debts- not on extending unemployment benefits and education.

Oh.

In that case, I’m sure Ty’Sheoma will understand.

I mean, let’s face it.

She wasn’t going to be a doctor, lawyer or anything else, right?

 
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Posted by on March 14, 2009 in Barack Obama, Change, Children, Conservative, Current Events, Economy, Elections, Governor Mark Sanford, Hope, Life, News, Policy, Politics, President, Race, Wall Street

 

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Clocks, Socks and Glocks…

09 Mar

By Andrew Heaslet, Coordinator, Peace Economy Project

What do clocks, socks, and glocks have in common? Socks, underwear, oil in a car, batteries in your smoke detector, Mr. Rogers’s cardigan sweater, and the time on your clocks on the evening of March 7th – what do these all have in common? These are all things that need changing.

In terms of word association, we should add to that list: the military procurement process, the military budget, our policies towards foreign military assistance, our ramping up of the war in Afghanistan, and the clout that military contractors wield via K street lobbying in our nation’s capital. They, too, desperately need changing.

And pushing for such change is precisely what the Peace Economy Project strives to achieve. That’s why we’ve taken a role in planning and forming the upcoming national campaign that’s being called “Beyond War, A New Economy is Possible.”

In 1967, Dr Martin Luther King Jr, in a speech at the Riverside Church in the Upper West Side of New York city called for change; a change of our national policies towards the giant triplets of Poverty, Racism, and Militarism. In this address, he warned, “A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death.”

Juxtaposed with the location of King’s historic speech in which he publicly came out against the war in Vietnam, less than 10 miles away, is today’s most famously beleaguered street in America, Wall Street.

This campaign is calling attention to the fact that King’s message, unfulfilled for more than 40 years, is related to the debacle on Wall Street. Because we didn’t change.

There is an enormous, near unanimous public outcry about our financial system that makes a house of cards look up to code. We’re furious at the fact that one man was able to cheat away $50 Billion from so many. But let’s face it, when placed next to the $165 Billion price tag of this past year in Iraq, $50 Billion isn’t looking so bad. The current $700 Billion propping up of the banking system, is, well, just a hair more than we’ve spent on the Iraq War already ($600B+), and, depending on how you break it down, ($800 Billion to $1.4 Trillion) right on par with how much we spend on the military every year. And that needs to change.

If, over the decades since his speech, our nation had, instead of investing trillions and trillions of dollars into superfluous military programs and get-rich-quick banking schemes, we had followed Dr King’s admonition to declare “eternal hostility to poverty, racism, and militarism,” one can only imagine the possibility of change we could have seen.

Despite the passage of time, Dr King’s message has not died. It is very much alive with the Peace Economy Project and with our roll in this national campaign. We’re calling for change. And at the tip of the spearhead of this call for change, is a call for a 25% reduction in total military spending. And from that point onward, we’ll be pushing for that long awaited realization of the change Dr King wanted us all to see. And by attending community events, donating to Justice and Peace Shares and the Peace Economy Project, by attending the upcoming statewide rally marking the 6th “Anniversary” of the war in Iraq in Columbia, MO on March 21st, or even going to New York City on April 4th, the 42nd anniversary of the good Doctor’s speech for the major rally of the Beyond War campaign, you’re doing the same thing you’re going to do tonight when you switch that clock and throw your socks and underwear in that laundry hamper… it’s all about change.

 
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Posted by on March 9, 2009 in Barack Obama, Current Events, Economy, Life, News, Policy, Politics, President, Race, War on Terror

 

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