Posted in C-Haze, Funny, Humor

The Earthquake… Part II (May Wanna Check Out Part I!)

After having to answer to my nine year old for not having earthquake insurance, her little friend (a neighbor kid) stopped by… this is the kid my daughter walks to school with in the mornings. She, like my daughter (and hell, like me too!) was pretty keyed up about this earthquake we’d just had.

She tells The Diva (my daughter), “My mom says God stepped down onto earth this morning, so that’s why the ground was shaking so bad”.

My kid, always the smart one says, “Oh please. That doesn’t even make sense. It’s actually much more scientific than that. You see, all you really have to do is educate yourself about about these things”.

Right- spoken from the mouth of the kid who was (less than an hour ago) running around in circles, arms flailing, yelling at the top of her lungs, “WE’RE GOING TO DIE!!!”

Suddenly she’s Ms. Scientist Lady, ready to educate the masses? Ok, whatever.

We all head out- The Diva’s walking with her friend, I drop my youngest daughter at daycare, and head off to work. I’m secretly wondering about aftershocks, and truth be told, silently obsessing about something I read- Foreshocks. These suckers are scary, so allow me to explain:

Apparently foreshocks are the earthquakes you get BEFORE the real one- the big one- hits. In all my frantic research this morning, I learned scientists can’t tell if a tremor is a foreshock or an actual earthquake until the subsequent tremors occur. If they’re smaller than the original tremor, then they’re aftershocks. If they’re larger, then that means the first quake was a foreshock.

In the 20 minutes it took me to get to work, I managed to work myself into a full blown panic. I was sweating, had butterflies in my stomach… I think I was a little short of breath actually, and shoot- were those chest pains I just felt?!?!

Man, I’m gonna die of a heart attack… it’s not the 10.5 on the richter scale monster size earthquake that I’m convinced is coming momentarily that will kill me. I’m going to literally die of fear!

I was CONVINCED that the 5.2 magnitude quake from this morning was merely a foreshock… that any second now, we were going to get hit with the earthquake of the century. The very first quake that ever broke the richter scale! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!! (That’s me screaming, by the way)

Yea, yea, I know. I watch too much TV.

So anyway, in spite of my fear, I make it to work, and head inside. Somehow, the morning goes pretty smoothly. I can feel my fear slowly (very slowly) beginning to dissipate. I even manage to crack a smile or two, and begin to think maybe (wasn’t convinced, mind you), just maybe, I was overreacting a tad.

I’m on the phone with a client- one of my company’s largest, pickiest, and most important clients, I might add… when it happened.


My computer screen starts swaying, and my desk, chair, and the very floor I sit on starts to tremble. I instantly burst into tears… palms start sweating, heart revs up into high gear, the whole nine yards. I try desperately to keep control of the call I’m on…

“Sir, can you please give me the district you process out of?”

“Yes- it’s New York”

“Ok, Chicago?”

“No- New York”

“I’m so sorry sir. Did you say Cincinnatti?”

“Look lady, I SAID NEW YORK!!!”

“Sir, I apologize if I seem a little preoccupied. We are in the middle of an earthquake… Hold please, while I dive for cover!!”

I manage to place the customer on hold and immediately begin hyperventilating… I’m praying like hell I can fit underneath my desk.

It’s while I’m attempting to squeeze up under there, when suddenly, it stops. No more trembling. No more shaking. Thank you Jesus!!

My supervisor, who had been observing my little breakdown (without offering assistance, I might add)suggested I pick up the phone and finish the call I was on. Hell, I’m glad she reminded me, cuz just that quick, I’d forgotten I had a customer on the phone at all.

Where did he say he processes out of? Seattle?

I was able to complete the call, but not before getting a hug from my boss. I needed it, and after the morning I’d had, I deserved it too.

Thankfully, I have felt no more tremors today…

Praise the Lord, people. Praise the Lord.


Tryin' to get the hang of this life thing... one step at a time!

3 thoughts on “The Earthquake… Part II (May Wanna Check Out Part I!)

  1. I love reading your blogs they are always varied and extremely interesting . Alot of the times when i read your blogs it feels as if i am right there with you. I guess that is to the fact of how you write and draw the reader in. Keep up the wonderful writing.

  2. Well Sis, Maybe someday we can combine our stories and make a book. When I need a hell of a laugh I just read your blogs. Your nuts, but, I wouldn’t want you any other way. Give my girls a kiss from their Aunt Michi. Love you all

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s