Posted in C-Haze, Children, Conservative, Current Events, Dating, David Letterman, Democrats, Family, Funny, Humor, John McCain, Liberal, News, Parent, Parenting, Politics, Relationships, Sarah Palin, Sex, Willow Palin

David Letterman, John McCain and Willow Palin

Ok, so David Letterman may have crossed a line with his recent jokes regarding Sarah Palin and her daughter, with some people even calling for his termination from CBS.

I thought the jokes specifically about Governor Palin were pretty funny- and not the slightest bit out of line- though perhaps slightly off-color.

I did, however, cringe at his quip about Palin’s daughter.

The Governor had taken her 14 year old daughter to a Yankees game while recently visiting New York. Letterman joked on his show that during the Seventh Inning Stretch, Willow, the daughter, got “knocked up” by Alex Rodriguez.

Disgusting, for sure.

I’m not here to condone Letterman’s comments. Personally, I feel that for the most part, children of politicians should be off limits for all of us- late night comedians included. I do make an exception for people such as Megan McCain (John McCain’s daughter) and Bristol Palin (Sarah Palin’s oldest daughter) because A) they are not minors and B) they have chosen a life in the public eye- Megan as a popular blogger, Bristol as a public advocate for abstinence.

Personally, I’m not a fan of the double standard here.

Can you imagine, for example, had Conan O’Brien quipped, during Michelle Obama’s recent trip to London with her daughters, that Sasha (or Malia- pick a kid), had been knocked up by Hugh Grant?

Or worse, Boy George?

David Beckham?

I realize that politically incorrect, often distasteful humor, is par for the course in late night comedic television… but sometimes, as we all know, lines do get crossed, and feelings get hurt.

Unfortunately, and it pains me to say this- as I am a Letterman fan- his so-called apology on the matter was grossly inadequate. Letterman claims that his joke regarding Palin’s daughter was actually geared towards Bristol Palin, but I’m not buying it. Everyone knows Bristol was not the one who accompanied her mother to the Yankees game, and surely,  considering all of Letterman’s staff, if not the big man himself, someone would have picked up on this fact.

This, at best, was a terrible gaffe on the part of his research department. At worst, he knew exactly what he was saying and who he was saying it about.

Regardless, it was a completely inappropriate thing to say.

What enrages me, however, even more than Letterman’s false and disengenuous apology, is certain Republican politicians’ reactions to his comments.

John McCain, for example, when asked his opinion by news source Reuters, stated, “I don’t understand why Letterman would say that about a young woman… They deserve some kind of protection from being the butt of late-night hosts.”

Really?

Funny, considering McCain’s own comments about then-President Bill Clinton’s daughter, Chelsea, on the Letterman show back in 1998:

Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?  Because Janet Reno is her father.

It makes one wonder… are John McCain and friends truly against the idea of people attacking the children of politicians… or does it only become a no-no when said politician is a fellow conservative?

Letterman was wrong for saying the things he said about Willow Palin, and that family deserves a genuine apology.

… But as we all know, peoplewho live in glass houses should not throw stones.

Willow Palin deserves our outrage on her behalf. Unfortunately, when it comes from such sources as John McCain, the anger appears phony, crafted, politically motivated and most of all, horribly hypocritical.

Pedophilia, rape and teenage sex are not humorous topics- regardless of who is making the joke, or who the joke is about.

It is, after all, a national epidemic, as Sarah Palin and family know first hand.

Perhaps, instead of duking it out over which public figures’ children are and aren’t off limits, our time would be better spent advocating on behalf of the children who find themselves the butt of these most reprehensible jokes.

Posted in Barack Obama, Basketball, C-Haze, Current Events, Economy, Funny, Humor, NCAA, News, Politics, President, Sports

Duke Is Puke

I hear Duke’s Coach K doesn’t appreciate that Obama has been making NCAA Final Four picks.

He claims he thinks the Prez should be concentrating on the economy.

I have to wonder if he’d feel the same way if Duke had made its way into Obama’s bracket.

Anyway- I tend to agree with Obama on most issues- and his Final Four picks are no different.

My father, the UNC grad, taught me the following- I live by it:

Duke is puke

Wake is fake

The team I hate is NC State

GO TARHEELS!!!

Posted in C-Haze, Current Events, Funny, Humor, News

Superbowl, Blowouts and Sexy Tight Ends

Ahh yes.

Superbowl Sunday has arrived.

While not a sports fan, I know which teams are playing… at least I think I do.

I have no emotional attachment to either of them, which is why I am rooting for the team with the sexiest tight end to win… whoever that may be.

In a blowout, no less.

Wait.

Do football games have blowouts?

I’m pretty sure they do… blowout is a universal sports term…

… Right?

Regardless, I hope everyone has a safe and fun evening… don’t drink too much, and all that.

Posted in C-Haze, Dating, Funny, Humor, Marriage, News, Relationships, Religion

Megachurches, Heathens and An Unmarried Me

I’m feeling a little discriminated against.

I have learned that the pastor of a megachurch in Dallas, TX is issuing a 7-day sex challenge to his married congregants.

Now I don’t typically follow the goings on of megachurches, but this caught my eye.

It seems that Reverand Ed Young, in his attempt to strengthen the bond of married couples, is challenging them to have sex at least once a day for the next 7 days.

Daggumit.

Why can’t the un-married folks participate?

That’s a challenge I could really get involved in!

Reverand Young feels that sex outside the sanctity of marriage is a sin.

… And while I understand he’s not the only one who feels this way…

I feel as if I am being excluded from an activity I could definitely benefit from, simply by nature of the fact that I am single.

So…

I am issuing a challenge of my own to all you sinnin’ heathens out there…

… Have sex, and have lots of it… non-stop if you can, for the next 14 days!

We’ll beat that ol’ rev at his own game.

Hope everyone has fun, and please- for the sake of your souls, do not forget to get on your knees…

… No, not for that, you perverts…

Ahem…

You’ll need to get on your knees and pray to God for forgiveness when you’re done.

No need to spend eternity in hell, all cuz of the fun of 2 short weeks, right?

After all, a sin’s a sin… and we probably don’t want to take any chances.

I’m just sayin’.

Posted in C-Haze, Children, Funny, Humor, Nostalgia, Single Mom

Floods, Shop-Vacs and Maintenance Men

Sometimes I do completely ridiculous things… you know, the kinds of things that would embarrass a normal person… and as a result am served with a reminder that I am not nearly so brilliant as I like to think I am.

Life in my little apartment tends to run on the hectic side, especially when my beautiful black-women-in-training are home with me… and that fact is the only excuse I can find for this particular incident.

I had decided one evening that we would be having something for dinner than consists of ground beef.

I keep my meat in the freezer, but hate using the microwave to defrost it, as my microwave sucks- when I attempt to defrost meat in there, even being careful to use the appropriate defrost settings, the result is usually that half the meat gets cooked completely, while the other half remains frozen.

So I have instead taken to filling the kitchen sink with water, and putting the meat in there. I have found it defrosts nicely- quickly and evenly- that way.

This particular evening, I guess I was in a hurry, as I decided to fill my sink with piping hot water to submerge the ground beef… I can only surmise I must have been rushed, needing it to defrost extra-quickly.

Once I turned the sink on, I have no idea what the heck happened.

Did I get sidetracked? It’s possible.

Regardless, for some reason, after turning the water on, I simply walked away- I have absolutely no idea how long I was gone- only that at some point, as I was sitting in the living room, I realized that it was awfully muggy in my apartment…

… Suddenlyr realizing… “Shit. I left the water running in the sink!”

Running to the kitchen I find that yes, indeed, I had left the water running… and had managed to flood out my entire kitchen.

Water was overflowing out of my sink, had completely flooded my countertops, and was making a powerful waterfall down onto the floor…

… Which to my horror, was currently holding every bit of 3 inches of water.

At this point I should tell you that my entire apartment is about 12 square feet… and truly, if I’m exaggerating, it isn’t by much. How I was able to sit in my living room for several minutes without hearing the water running is beyond me.

Initially, seeing the mess I had made, I was paralyzed… in shock… and must have just stood there, in the doorway, mouth agape for several minutes.

It wasn’t until I felt water creeping under the carpet, beginning to soak my bare feet as I stood there that I actually began to move.

I immediately sprang to action and ran into the kitchen…

… Which probably wasn’t the best of ideas… remember my bare feet?

The water, of course, was scalding hot, and I burned myself. I was standing in the middle of the kitchen doing a strange burnt-feet dance, hopping up and down, “Ow! Shit! Ow! Shit!”

Finally, dazed with the pain of my burning soles, I was able to reach across the room and turn off the water.

My next stupid decision came when I decided, obviously without thinking it through, that I should unplug the sink, and let the water begin to drain.

Not really a good idea when the water that’s in there is boiling hot.

I believe I suffered third degree burns on my arm from reaching deep into the sink and pulling that pesky plug thing out, allowing the water to drain.

With this task complete, I half-hopped, half-danced back out of the room to survey the damage.

How the hell do you sop up 3 inches of water when you only own maybe 5 towels?

Simply put, you don’t.

I know this because I tried. I threw every single towel in the entire house onto the floor, and watched helplessly as none of them made a single bit of difference.

Now what am I going to do?

Around this time my 10 year old diva saunters into the room.

“What happened?”

I am ashamed to say, the only response I could muster was a panicked, “Shit!”

Unphased, The Diva asks again, “What happened?”

To which I again exclaim, “Shit!”

She tried very hard to keep from outright laughing in my face… but watching her struggle not to… kind of woke me up.

I called my friend ‘T’ on her cell phone, who both lives and works at my apartment complex.

I explained, completely over-wrought, what had happened, and asked her what I should do.

She initially suggested towels… but quickly shot that idea down after I explained that there really weren’t enough towels in the world to clean this mess up.

‘T’ decided this was a job for Maintenance.

Oh great.

I have to let some stranger into my house, so that he can not only know what a complete idiot I am, but see the evidence with his own two eyes?

Figures.

This is my life.

I hung up the phone, and dutifully waited for maintenance to arrive…

While waiting, my ever-so-helpful Diva proclaimed that she’s hungry… I stared at her blankly for a moment, eventually telling her that I was in no mood to physically swim to the refrigerator to get her anything to eat, so she would need to wait.

After about 20 minutes, the maintenance guy showed up.

God love him, he was very sweet, and didn’t call me an idiot or tell me how retarded I obviously am even once.

While he was sucking up the water from my floor (he filled and emptied his shop-vac bucket at least 17 times), I could do nothing but stand there, saying, like a robot, ever other second, “I am SOOO sorry”.

He would merely smile and say, “It’s no problem- really”.

Finally, his job complete, he left.

I again apologized for causing so much trouble, and breathed a sigh of relief that I was not, in fact, going to have to build an ark for my beautiful black-women-training and myself to sleep in that night.

I got dinner on the table, and quickly put the whole episode out of my mind.

A few nights later, after powering on my laptop, I found a lone message from my friend ‘T’.

“The maintenance guy thinks you’re hot”.

Huh.

Posted in Barack Obama, C-Haze, Children, Elections, Funny, Humor, Marriage, Memories, News, Nostalgia, Politics, Presidential Campaign, Race

Our President’s No Pit Bull… But a Mutt Like Me

I love Barack Obama.

No secret there… no one’s falling over in shock as they read this thinking, “Really? I would have pegged her a McCain chick…”

I love his stance on social issues, I respect the choices he has made in his life, I am inspired by his family- his beautiful and very gracious wife Michelle, as well as their two daughters.

I appreciate his character and strength.

Perhaps most of all, I love his sense of humor.

This was such an emotional campaign… and for all the times he gave us goosebumps or made us cry because of the weight of his words… he has made us laugh.

While certainly no “average” American, he does remember what it was like to be one… he doesn’t pretend to know what he’s doing every second of every day… nor does he try to trick us into thinking he has all the right answers all the time.

When he speaks of his family, I get the sense that he is not the almighty Commander in Chief in his household, but rather, just Dad and hubby.

I was watching some clips from Obama’s press conference yesterday, and once again our President Elect made me proud.

He also made me laugh.

Seems the Obama household faces a dilemma in getting that puppy that was promised to Sasha and Malia.

Due to allergies, it will be necessary to get a hypo-allergenic pooch…

… But if the decision were President Obama’s, he’d prefer “A mutt, just like me”.

Regular readers of mine know that I, too, am a mutt…

… And as such, couldn’t be happier, or more ready to serve my new President.

Here’s the clip:

Posted in Barack Obama, C-Haze, Economy, Elections, Funny, Humor, John McCain, News, Politics, Presidential Campaign, Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin, Africa and “the Southern Part of the Country”

For those of you who are sad that John McCain/Sarah Palin lost the election, perhaps this report will make you feel a little better about the way things turned out.

It appears that Sarah Palin never knew Africa was a continent.

She thought it was a country, and that when people refer to “South Africa”, they were merely referring to the southern portion of the country of Africa…

… Not realizing that South Africa is a country itself.

Wow.

Unbelievable, I know.

Now before you start hoppin’ up and down, yelling about the liberal mainstream media, let me first explain that the source of this information is none other than Fox News.

In fact, it was Fox News’ own chief political correspondent, Carl Cameron, that gave us this delightful morsel of information to begin with.

She didn’t understand, McCain aides told me, that Africa was a continent and not a country and actually asked them if South Africa wasn’t just part of the country as opposed to a country in the continent…

To think that this woman is actually taken seriously by anyone at all chills me to my core.

Realizing that there is, as we speak, a political machine that is gearing up for this woman’s 2012 presidential bid is even worse.