Posted in C-Haze, Children, News, Policy, True Crime

Alaska, Predators and the Lottery

Alec Ahsoak in an undated photograph.Talk about ironic…

There’s this lottery in Alaska that benefits victims of sexual assault.

Recently they had a big winner- a man by the name of Alec Ahsoak won $500,000, which he plans to use to purchase a house, donate to God, and give to charity.

Fabulous, right?

Not so much.

The kicker here is that Mr. Ahsoak is a registered sex offender, having been convicted of Sexual Abuse of a Minor in both 1993 and 2000.

Oh.

So he isn’t merely a rapist… but a multi-offending kiddie rapist.

Wonderful.

Personally, I think he should be required to divvy that half a million bucks up- $250,000 to victim #1, $250,000 to victim #2, never seeing a red cent of it for his own personal use.

Realistically, however, being no stranger of the justice system- especially where victims of sexual assault are concerned- I realize that as a convicted rapist, this jackass has more rights than the poor kids he violated do.

What a shitty reality that the very organization that likely served as a resource for the victims whose lives this man probably ruined, is also directly responsible for his new-found financial security.

Huh.

Posted in Barack Obama, C-Haze, Economy, Elections, Funny, Humor, Joe Biden, John McCain, News, Politics, Presidential Campaign, Sarah Palin, War on Terror

Black Widow Spiders, Poison, Ethics and Sarah Palin

… I’m very, very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing… any hint of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of that. –Governor Sarah Palin

Sigh.

Sometimes it’s tough, being the bearer of bad news.

I feel the need to break it to Sarah Palin- gently, of course- that she is dead-ass wrong in her understanding of what the final “Troopergate” Investigative Report actually says.

I guess since Palin’s this cute little wanna-be national politician, we should expect her to try and spin the hell out of this thing…

… Similar to the web a very dangerous, very poisonous, albeit relatively small black widow spider- on steroids- would spin… but the fact remains…

The panel found that Pit Bull Palin was completely, and yes, ethically out of line when she fired Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan… she fired his ass, at least in part, because he refused to fire Palin’s brother-in-law… who was embroiled in a nasty divorce with her sister.

Got that?

The investigation determined that Palin knew daggone good and well what she was doing… and that she was wrong in doing it:

I find that Governor Sarah Palin Abused her power by violating Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) of the Ethics Act…

And then further states:

... Compliance with the code of ethics is not optional… Governor Palin knowingly permitted a situation to continue where impermissable pressure was placed on several subordinates in order to advance a personal agenda.

Look, I’m no ethics investigator, but…

Sounds to me like the lady violated some shit… more specifically, she violated some ethical shit… the very same kinda shit she says she was cleared of violating…

… But really wasn’t.

Huh.

Spin, baby, spin.

Posted in Barack Obama, C-Haze, Children, Elections, Funny, Humor, Joe Biden, John McCain, Marriage, News, Politics, Presidential Campaign, Race, Religion, Sarah Palin, War on Terror

Grumpiness, Confusion and Mavericks

I’m in a horrible mood… and if I say what I really want to tonight I’ll be calling people fucking idiots, racist jackasses and worthless pieces of crap.

Among other things.

So with that in mind I have instead decided to post an e-mail I recently received.

It sums up exactly what I’ve been trying to say these past few weeks about McCain’s political campaign.

This is for all the damn hypocrites out there.

Hope it clears some shit up.

I’m a little confused. Let me see if I have this  straight…
 
If you grow up in Hawaii , raised by your grandparents, you’re ‘exotic, different.’

Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers,  a quintessential American story.

If your name is Barack you’re a radical, unpatriotic  Muslim.

Name your kids Willow , Trig and Track, you’re a  maverick.

Graduate from  Harvard law School and you are unstable.

Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating,   you’re well grounded.

If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community  organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years  as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator  representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate’s Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United  States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and  Veteran’s Affairs committees, you don’t have any real leadership  experience.

If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you’re qualified to become the country’s second highest ranking executive.

If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you’re not a real Christian.

If you cheated on your first wife with a rich  heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month,   you’re a Christian.

If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex  education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the  fiber of society.

If, while governor, you staunchly advocate  abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state’s school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you’re very responsible.

If your wife is a  Harvard graduate lawyer who gave  up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family’s values don’t represent America ‘s.

If your husband is nicknamed ‘First Dude’, with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn’t register  to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA , your family is extremely admirable.

Ok, much clearer now.

Posted in Barack Obama, C-Haze, Elections, John McCain, News, Politics, Presidential Campaign, Race, Sarah Palin, War on Terror

Balls of Steel, Pet-Spending and Corny Puns

It takes some big balls to accuse your opponent of doing the exact same thing you yourself have done…

Especially when in your own case you’ve done it 10 times worse.

Today John McCain and Sarah Palin jointly criticized Barack Obama for the amount of money- yes, earmarks- he has asked for in his home state of Illinois.

What they apparently forgot about was the simple fact that Sarah Palin asked Washington for more than 10 times that amount for Alaska.

So… with that in mind… which is McCain/Palin?

The pot…

… Or the kettle?

And yeah, they’re both calling Obama black…

Which he is… but…

Whatever.

I find this interesting, considering Obama asked for an amount that comes to about $25 for each one of Illinois’ residents last year.

Palin?

Well… she asked for…

An amount that would equal $295, during the same timeframe, for each resident of Alaska.

Huh.

Now I’m no math major…

But…

She asked for a whole heck of a lot more, now didn’t she?

Yet she’s talking smack about Obama’s request for earmarks?

Cuz that makes all kinds of sense…

Right?

Shoot… well… I guess not.

It’s also interesting to realize that Alaska, in spite of Sarah-Palin-the-Pit-bull’s leadership, is still the number one spender of federal earmark dollars…

… By far.

Appropriate, given Ms. Palin’s penchant for pets- by way of pitbulls- that her own state leads the nation in…

Uh…

Pet-spending.

No pun intended.

Posted in Barack Obama, C-Haze, Elections, Joe Biden, John McCain, News, Politics, Presidential Campaign, Religion, Sarah Palin, War on Terror

Vetting, Pitt Bulls, and Sarah Palin

Well, thanks to fellow blogger-guy Mudflats, I’ve found something that can help us all become better acquainted with Sarah Palin.

This is an important discovery since the GOP is obviously convinced that Mrs. Palin is nothing other than a robot… unwilling to allow the woman to speak (let alone think) on her own… I figured we could all benefit from a resource that will tell us what she’s really all about…

Since she is clearly incapable of telling us herself.

The only time her new-found watchdogs (I didn’t say pit bulls because McCain and friends do not wear lipstick) allow her to so much as open her mouth in public is when it’s in the form of a scripted speech.

She takes no questions from the media, gives no interviews… and as yet, won’t even appear on any talk shows.

Meanwhile the GOP is feverishly giving the Governor a crash course on being a veep pick…

They’ll keep her under wraps until she aces the Republican-taught, “How to be a Slimy Politician 101″…

Unfortunately, this leaves the rest of us having to dig pretty deep if we want any actual info about Palin-the-Pit.

So, what is this thing, you ask?

It is the 60-some-odd page result of her vetting … a process the Alaskan Democrats put her through in 2006 when she was running for Governor…

A process the Republican Party didn’t feel was necessary this year, prior to selecting her for their veep candidate.

I’d heard rumblings about the existence of this document from the day Sarah Palin was announced as John McCain’s running mate… I just couldn’t find it.

I believe the GOP Nazis tried to have it destroyed.

(Cue Evil Spy Movie music)

Anyway, stepping away from the conspiracy theories, and back to reality, these papers have a lot of information in them, and can be a bit overwhelming if you try to read it page-by-page.

So to borrow some good advice from Mudflats himself- wait- herself-

Uh… Crap, I don’t know if Mudflats is a man or a woman-

Go to page 2 of the document…

That’s where the table of contents is located, and from there you can kind of puruse at your leisure, touching on whatever sparks your interest at the moment.

Enjoy! 

Sarah Palin 2006 Vetting Documents

Posted in Barack Obama, C-Haze, Elections, Funny, Humor, John McCain, News, Politics, Presidential Campaign, Sarah Palin, War on Terror

Sarah Palin, Inconsistencies and Sweet Irony

Well, Wednesday night at the RNC certainly was interesting…

Mike Huckabee lost me pretty early on… though I did enjoy some of the anecdotes he shared about his upbringing. That part was kinda cool.

Personally, I think Rudy Giuliani was the star of the show… even though he was talkin’ trash about my boy Obama… I still think he was a hoot.

The much-anticipated Sarah Palin, however, is a different story.

She wants us to believe she represents change…

Seems a good start would have been to use someone other than George Bush’s speech writer.

I love all the ironies and flat-out inconsistencies that are Sarah Palin.

For example, it’s so ironic that she is waaaaay far on the right on all issues involving women’s reproductive rights… believes in abstinence-only teaching… and has a pregnant 17 year old child.

It’s also ironic that the woman dogs Obama out for his “lack of experience” in national/international politics and meanwhile… she’s got… uh… well… basically none.

Zero.

Obama may not be the most experienced politician on the planet, but let’s not forget this one important thing- He was elected- by his own party, by his fellow Americans- to be the Presidential Nominee for the Democrats.

Li’l Ms. Alaskan Sun certainly was not elected as the nominee for… anything… at least not where this particular election is concerned.

Nor would she have been- even if the Republicans had been given the option to do so… Cuz… um… until about a week ago no one even knew who she was.

Anyway, back to what I was saying-

Irony. Inconsistencies.

Ironic that she doesn’t believe Community Organizers have any real responsibilities… which is what Obama was, two decades ago… it’s how he got his political start, if you will…

Personally, I think it beats the hell out of the whole I-got-my-start-in-politics-by-joining-the-PTA-just-like-everyone-else rhetoric, but…

Whatever. 

I also realize she thinks her part-time job as mayor for the Alaskan equivalent of Mayberry came with responsibilities galore…

… But…

For all the challenges her teeny political gig in Wasilla came with…

She couldn’t handle them.

Mayor Palin was the first person to hold that particular office… in the entire town’s history… who had to hire someone to help her handle all the demands that came with being the mayor of a cute little village in Alaska.

And still managed to almost get ousted.

Huh.

She’s got what it takes, alright.

Yup, yup

Posted in Barack Obama, C-Haze, Children, Elections, Joe Biden, John McCain, News, Politics, Presidential Campaign, Sarah Palin, War on Terror

Palin Drama: Bristol, Trig, and Sarah’s Bad Judgment

Here’s how I see it:

More important than the now debunked question of whether or not Sarah Palin is the biological mother of baby Trig is (and always has been) the question of the woman’s judgment… or… uh… extreme lack thereof.

Currently the Governor herself is countering rumors that Bristol is 4 month old Trig’s biological mother by claiming it isn’t possible because…

Her 17 year old daughter is currently 5 months pregnant.

This story just keeps getting better.

So you see, Bristol Palin cannot possibly be Trig’s mom, as she was already pregnant with this other baby when Trig was actually born.

I guess we’re getting a first-hand view of what happens when you let a staunch pro-lifer rule the world with the abstinence-only doctrine.

Worked real well with her own family, didn’t it?

McCain, for his part, claims he already knew about this… uh… gift from God… prior to asking Sarah to be his running mate.

Right.

Must have been real weird, being pregnant at age 17 at the same time your mom was pregnant as well…

Yuck.

Just sayin’.

Sigh… ok, so this may be the proof we bloggers were looking for… but really…

Is this any better?

Nope. Sure isn’t.

… But I digress…

Back to Palin’s judgment:

Now that it appears Governor Palin did give birth to her son, which is what I’ve always believed to be true… and let’s face it, why the heck would the woman claim today that her 17 year old kid is 5 months pregnant and keeping the child if…

She wasn’t?

Grandma Palin certainly has shown a blatant disregard for the life she so loudly claims to value.

According to published reports, Sarah Palin went into labor back in April while speaking in Texas, but chose to complete her speech in spite of the fact that her water had broke.

As if finishing that speech wasn’t selfish enough, this mother, this lover of all things living, then insisted on boarding an airplane… while in active labor… to fly the eight hours back to Alaska

So that little Trig could be born a real Alaskan native.

Yea… cuz that should have been her biggest concern.

These actions would have been extremely reckless for any woman, even in the most low-key of pregnancies…

There’s a reason most airlines don’t allow pregnant women to fly in their last trimester after all…

But that said actions were committed by Sara Palin, given her particular circumstance, is unconscionable.

Seriously, she should have been charged with child endangerment.

The woman’s pregnancy, simply by virtue of her age, was classified high-risk.

Beyond that, she was obviously fully aware that her child had Down Syndrome and therefore would likely be born pre-mature, with serious health problems.

Yet she chose to fly to Texas, knowing her baby could make his grand entrance at any moment…

Gave a speech while in active labor…

… And then flew back to Alaska after her water broke, all while leaking amniotic fluid.

The woman has lost her mind.

She was so caught up in fulfilling that “barracuda” prophecy, that tough-as-nails persona, she was willing to risk the very life of that oh-so-precious son of hers…

All to further that hard-ass image.

Wow.

This is the kind of recklessness we respect?

For all that pro-life talk, she had absolutely no qualms about very seriously risking the life of her unborn child for…

What?

While an admittedly extreme parallel, perhaps this is yet another example of my biggest beef among many of the move over zealous of pro-lifers:

They care oh-so-much about that fetus in-utero…

But strangely, don’t give a damn when it’s time for the kid to actually be born.

Posted in C-Haze, News, Politics, War on Terror

John McCain, Beauty Queens and Aliens from Outer Space

When John McCain announced his choice for VP I immediately began to hyperventilate… I cannot wait to see how this plays out in both the media and in households across the nation.

Sarah Palin for VP…

Really?

This is the woman McCain is hoping will steal all those Clinton supporters?

A pro-life ex-beauty queen whose only political know-how comes from being the esteemed leader of the great state of Alaska?

Mercy.

I think we’re being Punk’d. Honestly, I do.

I’m sure Palin’s amassed a great following… most likely all 17 residents of Alaska think she’s done a bang-up job… and I’m just as certain she can shoot skeet and ice fish with the best of ’em… but let’s get real here.

McCain goes on and on and on about how Obama doesn’t have the experience necessary to run the country… and then… turns around and picks Palin as his running mate?

This decision will pretty much force McCain to give up what was perhaps his most appealing argument against Obama… or at least it should… I mean what kind of idiot is he going to look like if he keeps pushing that particular point… while simultaneously embracing… uh… what’s her name again?

Oh yea. Palin. I almost forgot for a second there… probably because no one even knows who the heck this lady is…

The woman has been the governor of Alaska for 2 years.

No, not 2 terms. 2 years.

Prior to that her experience consists of… well…

Not a whole lot.

She was a council member in a tiny Alaskan town from 1992-1996… and after that she was the mayor of said tiny town.

Yep, that about covers it.

She’s got the same amount of foreign policy experience as I do… which equals… uh… none.

Next to this lady, Obama looks like a Washington old-timer.

While Obama was gaining all that political experience McCain swears he doesn’t actually have, Governor Palin has been a very busy woman.

She has five kids… one of which is a very young baby, born in April with Down Syndrome.

Does she have time to help run the nation? I have 2 kids, neither of which have special needs, and I’m lucky I have the time to show up to work every day…

… and usually I’m late.

Just sayin’.

In addition to her busy home life and gubernatorial responsibilities, she is currently the subject of a legislative investigation for her alleged role in attempting to have a state trooper fired… a man who just happened to be going through a messy divorce with…

Palin’s sister.

What? A politician embroiled in scandal?

She should fit right in.

Personally, I think McCain picked her cuz she’s hot… I mean, yea, she’s got no experience, but she’s a babe… so she can’t be all bad, right? We all know about McCain’s penchant for the pretty young thangs… and let’s face it…

Cindy’s no spring chicken anymore.

Plus, all that plastic surgery is starting to make her look suspiciously like an alien. Not the illegal kind… but…

… from outer space.

Only in politics can any of this possibly be taken seriously.