Posted in C-Haze, Children, Current Events, Economy, News, Relationships

8 + 6 = 14… And We’re All Paying For It… One Way Or Another

I am sick as a dog, likely with the plague.

That’s not necessarily an official diagnosis… I just feel quite plague-ish.

I believe my head is going to explode off my very shoulders, and I have spent my entire year’s worth of Health Savings money on Thera-Flu.

All in the past 24 hours.

With that being said, I’m cranky as hell, so you may have to bear with me a little on this post.

I know, I know, how is that different from what you have to do when reading any of my other posts?

… But whatever.

I keep hearing about this psycho woman in California who recently gave birth to octuplets– and she was already a mom of six before her mentally ill ass got pregnant with 8 more.

This woman has 14 kids.

Initially when I heard the story I just thought she was crazy.

Nothing more, nothing less.

I mean, damn.

That’s a lot of chil’ren runnin’ around.

I know how cuckoo my own mom was there for a while… and she only (I use that term loosely) raised 5 of us rugrats.

She really is a saint.

Anyway.

Back to the crazy lady.

As more and more details begin spilling out, I realize this woman isn’t just a little nutty, she needs to be locked up somewhere for the criminally insane.

This lady… this mother of 14… is on welfare ($490 a month in food stamps), is unemployed, lives at home with her own momma, and currently collects disability payments for 3 of her oldest children.

It seems she was injured at her last job- something about working in a mental hospital (fitting, right?) when a riot broke out- she suffered some physical injuries, and quite a few mental ones as well.

Her company, as a result, payed her around $160,000.

Money that was spent on invitro.

Smart.

Money that now, of course, is gone.

She says she decided to have all these babies as some sort of weird warped way (obviously I’m paraphrasing here) to overcome what she claims was a dysfunctional and unloving upbringing of her own.

Oh.

So not only is the woman off her damn rocker, but she’s an ungrateful little shit as well, considering she’s living with the woman who raised her crazy ass to begin with.

Her childhood, was apparently horrible enough that she needs 14 fuckin’ kids to compensate for it… but not so horrible that she’s above going back home to momma when her broke butt needs help.

I see.

What I really want to ask is who the hell is going to pay for the medical care of those 8 premature babies that are still in the hospital? Who the hell is going to support all those daggone kids period?

Certainly not this woman.

That burden, like so many others, will continue to be carried by taxpayers.

Yep.

Meanwhile, her state of residence (again- California), is dealing with a $62 billion budget shortfall.

Beautiful.

Apparently, she believes her only responsibility was to bring these poor babies into the world… now that she’s done that much, it’s everyone else’s job to figure out how in God’s name she’s supposed to actually support them.

What a selfish beast.

For those who are interested, I hear she set up a website to accept donations.

Checks and credit cards are approved forms of payment.

Will you be contributing?

Posted in C-Haze, Children, Funny, Humor, Single Mom

Home Alone, Spare Keys and Ice Cream Cake

Ahh… well school is back in session and it’s kinda…

Bittersweet.

My littlest one is too young to go to bona fide school yet- she’s still in daycare-but my oldest has started 4th grade. Since she missed the kindergarten cut-off and is almost a full year older than her classmates, I figured this was the year to end after school care.

Gulp.

This means my baby (yes, baby- in spite of the fact that she’s 10 years old going on 30 and stands a full 5 feet tall) has become an official latchkey kid.

(Shudder)

She laughs at me- she’s been ready for this responsibility (in her mind anyway) since she shot down the chute and out of the womb.

I, however, am not nearly so confident.

In preparation for her to stay home alone after school until I get off work every day, I made 75 spare keys.

Yes, 75.

One can never be too prepared, right?

I wrote down my work number and cell phone number, not to mention her dad’s numbers and every emergency number I could think of (yes, this includes animal control. I realize we have no pets, but an emergency is an emergency after all) in at least 125 easily accessible different places… and I might have pasted them on her forehead as well, just for good measure.

We’ve had countless “practice runs” and have gone through every possible “home alone” scenario… and yea, maybe even some that aren’t so possible too…

… and still I’m not prepared.

School just started last week, and so far she has called me at work 67 different times… she wants to ask if she’s allowed to watch tv, or eat the ice cream cake in the freezer… she also calls me each day as soon as she gets home, just so I know she’s ok.

I protest verbally that she calls me so often… but secretly, I’m glad.

Sometimes she tells me she’s bored at home all alone… and I pretend to be sympathetic, but I am quietly relieved. If she’s bored, she can’t possibly be doing things she shouldn’t be… like opening doors for strangers, making prank calls or entertaining house guests.

She’s a big girl now, and she’s more than ready to accept her newfound responsibility.

All I can hope for is that her mother will soon fall in line.

Posted in C-Haze, Children, Funny, Humor, Single Mom

Farts, Humping and Stripper Shoes

Ahh…

Kids do and say the darnedest things, don’t they?

Yesterday as I was preparing dinner my three year old came over to me. She pulled me down so that my face was even with hers… I’m thinking I’m about to be told something very important.

“I farted. Jealous?”

Yea.

This morning while dropping both my daughters off at daycare (it’s summer break, but momma’s still gotta work), one of the teachers complimented me on the brown shoes I was wearing.

She told me they’re cute…

Before I could thank her, The Diva (a.k.a. my oldest daughter) jumps into the conversation.

“Yeah, but that outfit would be so much cuter if she’d have worn her stripper shoes”.

Huh.

I promptly, though blushingly told her that “stripper shoes” is not an appropriate term, especially for a nine year old.

She responded by saying, “Why? That’s what YOU call them”

Whatever.

From the mouths of babes, right?

So I’m at work, and my co-worker tells me she had to whup her son- he’s six- the other day.

He asked a girl if she would like to hump him.

Wow.

Does he even know what humping is?!?!

Yep, sure does.

Upon learning that her son has propositioned a classmate, my co-worker is mortified.

She wonders, “How did my son learn this word? How can he possibly know what humping is?”

She fearfully asks him all the necessary questions…

Has anyone ever touched him in his privates? No.

Has anyone ever said anything sexual in nature to him? No.

Alright, at least it doesn’t look as if he needs counseling to heal from being molested by some deviant…

So how does he know what humping means?

He saw it on TV.

My co-worker’s brother, who watches the little boy while she’s at work during the day says he learned it “from the pedophile on Family Guy”.

Ok, I have to admit- when I heard that- I snickered some. I love that show!

My co-worker beat the child silly, and promptly put her brother on punishment.

Nevermind that he’s 42.

The next day, she instructed her son to tell his father what he had received a spanking for.

His response?

“I did something private”

Apparently he almost got another beating… not only does he know what humping is… but he knows it’s private and therefore inappropriate…

Now if that ain’t a man in the making, I don’t know what is!